Antsy and Anxious

Today was one of those of days… One of those days when we waited for answers, waited to see doctors, and waited to know what tomorrow would hold.
This morning I started with a long walk by the water. You know, the Florida girl in me needs to hear the waves, smell the salt, and watch the palm trees sway. This morning I laced up my shoes, put in my ear buds, and began walking across the causeway trail. The music flowing was from an old playlist but was exactly what I needed. Songs about trusting the Lord, declaring it is well with my soul, and reminding myself that the wind and waves know His name. I’m sure people around me thought I was crazy as I worshiped and walked.
While I walked I noticed two types of birds. One was little and antsy, it couldn’t stop moving while on the rocks or even in the water. Then there were the seagulls… they would glide over the water and then settle in and rock back and forth with the waves. So, much of my heart has been like the antsy little anxious bird – not able to stop, not able to rest, not able to settle. While I watched the seagulls, the Lord reminded me that I was created to be like them, to settle in and the ride waves that He knows are coming. These are the waves that know His name, the waves that went from violently crashing to calm glassy seas when Jesus spoke from the boat with the disciples. The Lord wants to speak that into my heart, He wants me to ride the waves, to be settled, and trust the Creator of it all.
I was expecting a miracle of complete healing as of a few days ago, I was ready to proclaim to those around me that mom was healed again. Yet, this morning as I walked the Lord settled in my heart that she was far from healed. As tears fell, I knew the news wouldn’t be good. However, I also knew with deep resolve that God would use what was coming for His glory.
As the doctor walked in today, he hung his head, he apologized, and he proceeded to tell us the news. The good news, the cancer spots on mom’s bones are gone. The bad news, the other spots continue to lite up and new spots have joined this cancer party. The cancer is in mom’s lungs, some lymph nodes, and uterus. The wait continues until we see the specialist tomorrow.
The choice is mine – be the anxious antsy little bird that never settles and never stops or be like the seagulls and rest and trust in the one who Created the waves. God knew what was coming today and He is not surprised. He allows each and everything that is happening with mom’s cancer. I can choose to trust Him or fight against life circumstances. The antsy bird made me tired, just watching, but the seagull brought great peace.
As each of us fight, wait, and walk through this life we can chose. May each of us chose to trust the Creator, the Great I Am, the One who speaks and creation listens. May we hear His calming voice and rest in His peace.


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