cancer – the MONSTER within

hope  The first night I got to the hospital after moms diagnosis I had the most difficult conversation with mom I have ever had. We had settled in for the night, lights were out, all was clam, and then my phone rang… In that moment I went from knowing that mom was sick to understanding that she had stage four gynecological caner that had metastasized through her whole body, lymph nodes, and bone marrow. She was too advanced for surgery and I was told I would only have my momma until Christmas if all went well and if God didn’t intervene with healing – on this side of heaven.

My world came falling down but someone had to tell mom and that was my job now… With a few tears in my eyes I woke her up, took her hand, and began to tell her about the horrible monster that had overtaken her body. We talked about all we KNEW God could do but also the reality of what He might not do. We cried, we talked, and we allowed the Holy Spirit to intercede to the Father with the deep groans of our hearts. I don’t know how I found words that night and don’t know how I was able to communicate through the tears that were waiting to fall… The only answer is Jesus, only Jesus.

Once mom had fallen asleep, or was at least pretending to sleep, I snuck out of the room for good ol’ ugly cry. I made it to the deserted waiting room and cried like I never have cried – teats, snot, spit, heaving breaths, and uncontrollable shakes… Then out of nowhere this precious woman came up and asked me my name. I couldn’t answer audibly but this woman stood and prayed over me and told me she would continue to pray. Days later I saw her again in the hall, we hugged, I told her my name, and she promised she was still praying.

Words that only came from Jesus, comfort that only my Good Good Father could send in the wee hours of the morning, and a strength in mom and I both that could only come from the legacy of faith we were raised in. I couldn’t have made it through that night or the next one without my Heavenly Daddy who provided for my every need even when I didn’t know what I needed.

You know, all I wanted was my mom healed, for her to wake up and walk out of the hospital healed! That was all my heart and mind knew to beg and plead for yet He knew so much more. Truly, His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts – His are so much better and so much sweeter!

 

4 thoughts on “cancer – the MONSTER within

  1. Your mom is an incredible God filled woman who has left her print on so many hearts. We continue to pray for her and your family! God bless y’all, Carlene and Rob Henderson

  2. Oh, Beth. We’re never ready for news like this and yet God’s been preparing ya’ll for this for a long time. Each Bible study, retreat, conference, prayer meeting were paving the way for you to lean hard into God and trust him to be the “Good, Good Father” he is. Thanks for sharing this and inviting us into the pain. Praying for what’s ahead!

  3. 💕👣💕👣💕👣💕 Yes , I agree Your mom is a fine tool that God is using to touch so many lives! And to train up a new Army for God! ⚔️💓💓💓💓

  4. Cancer can be dealt with positivity. You gather up your strength and f I g h t the battle to win over it. As a five time cancer survivor I have fought the disease .

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